Recliner of Rage: McMario

There is a lot of anger in the world today. Between rising oil prices, wars, and political scandals, tempers are really rising.

But there is one among us tonight who is particularly angry. He knows how you feel, and he is ready to articulate it. He is Sherlock. I am Sherlock, and I might as well be comfortable while I speak for the world.

I am comfortable and furious.

I love the Mario franchise. I remember sitting as a young child watching in awe as my neighbors played all summer long. I was incredibly excited, and satisfied, when I got my very first Mario game, Super Mario Bros Deluxe for the Gameboy Color. However, in recent times I have noticed a change in my favourite plumber.

Unsolved Mysteries: The Koopalings

These are untold stories of Lost Love, the Missing, Fugitives, and Murder. Hello, my name is Smeags. And this is Unsolved Mysteries.

MISSING

SYNOPSIS: It all began in the winter of 1990. The Super Mario Bros. were once again saving the world from the evil clutches of King Bowser. This time, however, things were a little different than before. This time, the mustached heroes faced a new nemesis: The Koopalings. Questions ensued: Who were these new adversaries, and where did they come from? Our top researchers show that these koopalings are in fact the legitimate children of King Bowser himself. The mother has yet to be identified. Why Bowser would not reveal these seven children until that point in time has yet to be confirmed.

However, the Mario Bros. latest adventure wouldn’t the last time we’d see these mischievous children. Insiders have informed us that Larry, Wendy O., Ludwig Von, Morton Jr., Iggy, Lemmy, and Roy were also seen in Dinosaur Land in the Summer of 1991, on a Safari in 1993, when Mario was missing in the Summer of 1994, and in Hotel Mario sometime later that year. This, ladies and gentlemen, is where the mystery really begins.

Game Standards MUST Drop!

Many people would wonder what I mean by saying game standards must drop, but by the end of this you will understand completely, whether you agree or not. It happens every generation: consoles become more powerful; the effect of that is gaming standards must rise to the occasion. You can’t release a more powerful console and have worse games than your last one. Better graphics, better gameplay, more features, more controller buttons, everything goes up. The absolute worst thing to rise, however, is price. The cost of production increases, the floor price of the games and consoles become more expensive as well. Of course we still pay; it’s not like we have any other option.

Another Perspective: The Brawl Delay

I’m sure many a gamer awoke this morning to this notice. And I’m sure they stared in shock, trying to take cognizance of what had been rumored for at least two weeks. For some, that shock turned to sadness, but the great majority of them, I bet, turned to anger and threw their computer monitor out the closest window. That’s unfortunate, because then they can’t read Mom’s Basement and we lose a portion of our audience, but that’s what happens when Nintendo delays games.

Let’s work on our Time Management skills

It was during one my most recent late night (you can read this as midnight) gaming sessions that I was hit with a most unsettling thought. As I fought back the weariness that was dragging down my eyelids, I paused Mass Effect to give it one last save before I gave the bad guys what was coming to them. But as my screen quietly told me not to turn off the power, I couldn’t help but notice that something wasn’t right. I tried to put my finger on it for a few seconds, and then I realized what I was staring at. My save file proudly beamed back at me a simple message; I have now been playing for more than 30 hours.

For some this may be your regular dose of gaming, but I think most would agree this isn’t just a drop in the bucket. I should be ecstatic that this single play-through has lasted me so long. Here I am, making the last push to save the galaxy from complete annihilation, my enemy before me and my girl at my side, and its managed to take me more than 30 hours to achieve. It isn’t often that a game can garner that much playtime, yet I was now looking it in the face. Somehow this game had pulled me into the epic experience of traipsing around the galaxy for sidequest after sidequest, and now with the final minutes closing in, I couldn’t help but feel that maybe some of that time could have been better spent.